How many times will I have to test the Word of God before I simply believe that it is, indeed, the Word of God? How many times do I have to prove that He is faithful and just? How many times must I stumble through doing things my way before I realize that “The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes”?
There is a question that asks about the integrity of the Bible, “How can you know it is the Word of God? You can’t believe it just because the Bible says it is: that’s circular reasoning and won’t get you anywhere logically”. This is true. But I prove it. Daily. My life does. This stuff works. There is a reason for all (most?) of those words. Maybe I can’t give you a list as to why I ought to honor my husband or build others up instead of tear them down. I have, however, walked enough (and less than some) both with and against the Word of God that I have begun to trust that God’s word will not return void, that His promises are not empty. And that doesn’t just mean the good stuff.
This is why, so often, I find myself in Psalm 25, “forgive my iniquity, for it is great” and with Hillsong, “Here I am, down on my knees again, surrendering all”. And those days when I’m at the bottom of the well, the days where I can do nothing right and all hope seems lost, I find myself crying Psalm 77,
“Has His mercy ceased forever? . . . Has God forgotten
to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?!”
And God finds me there at Romans 7, “Oh, wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?” as again I have cut someone to the quick with my words. Yet His response is always,
“I have wiped the slate of all your wrongdoings. There’s nothing left of your sins. Come back to Me, come back. I’ve redeemed you!”
Only then am I able to speak, “Rejoice the soul of Your servant, for to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul. For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.”
Because of His abundant mercy I am able to pick up and be dusted off, ready to try again. I will keep falling. I will keep testing His Word. But someday I will be refined, someday I will prove all His words as true and righteous altogether. That is my hope. “Christ in [me], the hope of glory”.