I was going to post a tutorial on making a Crape Myrtle wreath.
Unfortunately, although mine was pretty for the first day, after that it kinda just went kaput. Droopy leaves and everything; I even found a spider web in it. . .
So, I offer something far more entertaining than a wreath (and less time consuming to prepare).
6 Mom Walks, Part I
1. The 3am Zombie Shuffle
This is the Mom Walk that happens in the middle of the night when you’ve already been up with your baby two or three (or five or six) times in the last 8 hours.
You hear her stirring and think, “please. Please, please, please, please go back to sleep. One more hour, baby. You can sleep for one more hour.” . . . She doesn’t. So you rise from the dead and shuffle off to her bedroom for yet another night time nursing session. You would dream of when she’s finally sleeping through the night, but you can’t even walk straight, the whack of your shoulder into the bedroom door frame proves this. The only thoughts going through your head are about as complex as a zombie’s, “feed the baby. Sleep. Feed the baby. Sleep”. Upon arrival in your baby’s bedroom you get her up and vaguely wonder why she’s smiling at you; it’s 3:00am. No one should be smiling at 3:00am. You sleepily nurse her and decide to change her diaper, in hopes that she’ll sleep longer than the past three times she’s been awake. Your zombie-mom mind knows how to change a diaper, so that’s good.
. . . The wipes are in the other room.
You set your grinning/cooing baby down and heave yourself to your feet. The trek back to where the wipes are is the very essence of the Mom-Zombie Shuffle. Heaven help you if there are legos, squeaky toys, or husband’s giant boots in your way.
2. The Hurry Scurry
The Hurry Scurry is the Mom walk that results in forgetfulness, lots of tripping or banging into things, and telling yourself lies like, “We can still make it on time”.
You’re in a hurry. At this point it doesn’t matter if you’re taking the baby with you or not, you’re going to be late and you know it. Frantically you search for your keys. The one time you don’t put them back on the key rack! Keys. Keys. Keys. “If I were a key where would I be?”
. . . Socks.
You need socks and shoes.
Ditching the key mission you proceed for socks, only to get distracted half way through the process because you suddenly remember that there aren’t any diapers in the diaper bag, and if you forget those it’ll be a lot worse than forgetting socks. I mean, can you really forget socks? You need shoes to leave the house, right? Diapers in hand you’re nearly sprinting to put them in the diaper bag when the baby starts fussing. You throw down the diapers and hurry to the fusser, “Okay, baby. Let’s get you in the car seat. And then socks and shoes and we’ll go. . .”
You mean it, you really do. Because you’ve already forgotten about the diapers and keys, not to mention that you’re going to remember that your water bottle is empty as you’re walking out the door, smashing your hip on the carrier for the fifth time that week as you try to maneuver out both the front and screen doors with a carrier, purse, diaper bag, and pumping bag all before the alarm system kicks in.
3. The Grocery Store Slide
You’re makin’ a list, not checkin’ it twice. Well, you checked it like 4 times at home to make sure that you didn’t miss anything because you’re rather experienced at the Grocery Store Slide and know that you won’t have time to mentally check your list during the food run.
“Food run” is a good term.
Your baby or kids might have been happy when you put them in the car but you know that after the 10 minute drive to the store that means that there’s only so long before the baby will need to eat or nap, or the kids will need to nap or become ridiculously restless. Checked list in hand, you carefully place the children in the cart and start your way through the store. If it’s a good day your list is in “store order”, that is you’re gonna start with produce and work your way around to baked goods, ending at the cash register.
Produce goes well, no fussing or screaming or anything. You’re tempted to linger by the fruit pondering sale prices. No. This is a bad idea. You resist, and grab the first bunch of bananas that your eye picked out to be the mid-ripest. Progressing through the store in much the same manner you grab things off the shelf without a second glance, not taking time to check, or cross check, sale or unit prices; time is of the essence. By the time you make it to the bakery section on the other side of the store your kids are getting restless.
Now comes the hardest part of the whole Grocery Store Slide: The check out. You have two options: stand in line, or try to take a cart full of food and kids through the self-check. Either way is not a good option with fussies. You opt for standing in line, as the “fast checker” is here today. While in line you sing to your baby and tell your kids you’re “Almost done. Then we can go home”.
Somehow, you make it through the checkout process without a toddler meltdown or baby deciding that now, just right now, she needs to eat. You pay for your goods and throw your food in the cart hoping that the bagger didn’t put your spinach under your bananas, again. As you hurry out to the car (you still have a 10 minute drive home before the baby can be fed) you take a sprint across the parking lot chasing the cart, which the kids think is super fun (and, quite honestly, so do you). You’re to the car. You did it. Now you only have to survive the ride home. . .
Tune in next week for more Mom Walks, including The Grocery Store Shamble and other fun moves. If you don’t want to miss out on next week’s post don’t forget to follow this blog at the bottom of the page!