Baby Life

NOT THAT!!

As Tiny has started her training in ninja mobility I find myself scrambling to snatch bits and pieces of floor “décor” out of her hands (and mouth) multiple times a day minute. To celebrate adding “vacuum and sweep every floor in the house” to the daily list of chores instead of the weekly list, I have composed a collection of my favorite ninja-baby floor goodies and their counterparts that I like to replace them with.

 

Note: Very few of these photos were staged. A couple times I moved the item from where I found it on the floor (or in Tiny’s hands) to better lighting, but everything here I had to dissuade my ninja from eating.

 

Ninja baby! Not That!

Not That!

A mini m&m. It’s bright, and crunchy. Along with the crumbs around it. A choice feast, I know.

 

Here, eat this instead.

Eat This,

A magnet, big enough that you can’t swallow and hard enough that it won’t chip off with your tiny monster teeth. Added bonus: bright color like an m&m, and the same shape!

 

No, ninja baby, not that!

Those are potatoes! Not that you’re interested in the potatoes. It’s the bag that has a great diverse texture. Diversity and texture are both great things, but not when combined with chewable plastic.

 

Eat this instead,

Dino fridge magnet. Magnets are great for snacking on. Go nuts. Just maybe don’t stab yourself in the eye with the tail…

 

Not the cheese!

Bits of cheese are not for tiny babies! When you get older you can have cheese (but still no floor cheese).

 

Here, eat this,

It’s colorful. And good to chew on. And a fun shape. And not floor cheese.

 

NO BABY!

Great. A zip-tie. Because that couldn’t kill you. A tiny sharp piece of plastic is exactly what you need. . .

 

Here, Eat this,

More fridge magnets. Aren’t they wonderful? This one’s even smiling at you.

 

Not floor-peas!

How did dinner get in the living room??!! You can’t have dried up peas! Who knows how long that’s been there?

 

Here, eat this,

Fortunately, this is your favorite thing to chew on. Nom away, ninja baby, nom away.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT TTHHAATTT!

Rubber bands are scary-scary-scary things. You could choke and die. Don’t. die. . .

 

Eat this,

Large, colorful, shake-able, bite-able. Much better than a rubber band, no?

 

Not the leaf!

The leaf. The leaf won’t kill you, but it’s gross. Don’t eat the leaf.

 

Here, have this,

Flash light. Metal. Cloth attach-cord. Shiny. All good things. Yes, eat this. . .

 

BUT NOT THAT!

Where’d that come from? And why do you want it more than the shiny, fun flash light!? Don’t eat that. . .

 

Or that!

Again with the leaves!

 

Here, eat this,

Nice, colorful beads. Lots of textures. Super fun for your tiny monster teeth.

 

No, no, no, no, no

Yes, Christmas was months ago. No, you can’t eat left-over fake Christmas tree needles.

 

Here, have this,

Toy car. Red. Shiny. Bite-able. All the things you love. . .

 

Not the leaves again!

Why do you love the leaves so much?!

 

Here, eat this,

 

. . .

 

IMG_1633

 

. . .

 

Not That!

 

. . .

 

Ate this, and that...

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t win.

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